2024
nonlinear
My life, at the very least, has been anything but a straight line. I can't imagine anyone's truly is. Along the way, we encounter obstacles that force us to make decisions that can drastically alter our course. Life is like modern dance—a constant movement, a flow with countless angles and possibilities. For me, though, it feels as if that dance has grown complicated and lost a lot of its meaning.
I envy any person who can follow a straight path through life. Some people seem to know exactly what they want and need, and they go after it with precision, whether it's something ordinary or wildly ambitious. I find myself slightly envious of that clarity. In contrast, I feel like I'm bulldozing through life off-road, with miles of open space ahead and an endless array of obstacles to plow through.
The unpredictability of my journey often leaves me feeling disoriented, as if I'm navigating without a map, never quite sure if I'm heading in the right direction. There’s a certain thrill in forging my own nonlinear path, but it’s also exhausting, and the lack of a clear destination sometimes makes me question the purpose of it all.
I admire those who seem to glide through life with confidence and direction, but I’ve come to realize that my chaotic route, with all its detours and challenges, has shaped me in ways a straight line never could. It’s messy, uncertain, and full of unknowns, but as cliche as it may sound, that’s where the real adventure lies.
I need to start allowing myself forgiveness in this life, especially when something goes wrong that is out of my control. I can’t possibly be perfect and yet that is what I seemingly strive for, perhaps stemming from my childhood. The straight line; perfection from point A to B. While I know it’s not realistic, I was always told I had to be the best at everything. Instead, it’s time I accept and take the nonlinear route.